I remember years ago when I worked in a hotel in Scotland. Whenever someone didn’t show up for their shift, I was the one who stepped in. I rearranged my life, cancelled plans, and convinced myself it was kindness. I didn’t see that underneath, I was seeking approval.
There was one afternoon I’ll never forget. I had already handed in my resignation letter and had only a few days left of work. On my day off, I had plans — a long walk and lunch with a friend. Just as I was leaving, a colleague asked me to cover yet another shift.
Inside, I felt the split: part of me wanted to follow my plans, and another part felt guilty for saying no. For the first time, I chose myself. But instead of enjoying my lunch, I spent it overexplaining and feeling guilty, unable to be fully present.
Fast forward to today, and life still brings me moments that touch that same wound. When I choose what feels aligned for me, sometimes others withdraw. My mind still wants to tell the old story: “Maybe they’re upset… maybe I did something wrong… maybe I should have done what they expected.”
But I can see it more clearly now. I know this is not really about them — it’s about the little child inside of me who once learned that love and approval were tied to sacrifice.
Guilt is not proof that I am wrong. It is only a reminder of where my old wounds still want healing.
A gentle reflection
When you choose yourself, some people may project their wounds onto you. They may withdraw, stay silent, or misunderstand your intentions. In those moments, notice what happens inside of you:
- Do you feel the urge to overexplain?
- Do you feel guilty for standing in your truth?
- Do you fear being misunderstood or rejected?
If so, pause. Breathe. Remind that inner child: “I am safe. Choosing myself does not mean losing love.”
Because the deeper lesson is this: choosing yourself is never selfish. It is the way back to authenticity and freedom.