Today I listened to a talk by Carl Jung that shifted my perspective. He said, “Procrastination is not laziness, but a coping mechanism. We procrastinate when we are afraid—afraid of being seen, of being rejected, of being criticized.” That line touched me deeply. I realized that much of my procrastination was never about laziness or lack of discipline—it was about the fear of being seen.
Underneath lived childhood shame and old wounds that kept me silent, hidden, or performing instead of expressing my true self.
In this post, I want to share my healing journey—how procrastination became a mirror of trauma, how shame shaped my self-expression, and how I’m slowly transforming fear into freedom.
If you’d like to listen to the original talk that inspired me, you can find it below.
In that moment, so many pieces of my own life clicked into place.
Childhood Roots of the Fear of Being Seen
When I was little, I often felt unseen and unworthy. I was an only child living with a single mother who was often absent and emotionally unavailable. My heart longed for her presence and love, yet it always seemed that everything else came first.
I would play joyfully, only to be yelled at for being “too loud” while she was watching TV. The message I received was clear: my joy, my voice, my presence were too much. And somewhere along the way, I learned to shrink.
That wound followed me into adulthood in subtle ways. I often attracted people who did most of the speaking so that I could remain just listening. When I did try to share, I spoke quickly—rushing to get my words out before the spotlight became unbearable.
If someone got distracted by their phone, or turned to talk to someone else, I felt a sharp sting in my chest. I didn’t understand why it hurt so much, but deep down it touched that old wound: the fear of being seen and then dismissed.
It showed up in relationships, too. If my partner didn’t listen to my side, I felt invisible. At school, I avoided presentations at all costs. My body’s instinct was always the same: hide, withdraw, stay safe.
Procrastination as Protection
This pattern even followed me into my dreams. For years, I procrastinated on launching my life coaching work—though it was something I felt deeply called to do. On the outside, it looked like delay. But on the inside, it was fear. Fear that if I stepped out, people would truly see me. And if they saw me, they might judge me, criticize me, or reject me.
But last week, something shifted. A conversation with someone who told me directly, “I would need coaching from you,” was the push I needed to finally launch a few new offerings.
It wasn’t procrastination anymore. It was a conscious choice to move past the fear of being seen.
Stepping into a Spotlight
When I first started teaching surfing, I avoided the spotlight at all costs. I found endless excuses to stay in the background and happily let someone else take up all the space. I felt safe that way. But deep down, my soul wanted me to step forward. Those old fears held me unconsciously back, yet life had a different plan. Eventually, I was pushed to lead because no one else could do it.
At first, I resisted. I didn’t like the attention, and I felt very uncomfortable. But over time, I began to love it. Thanks to Oprah’s book, I discovered that I could turn my focus away from my fear and dedicate it to serving those who needed my guidance. Little by little, I moved from overpreparation to intuitive teaching, and with practice, I was more confident in my ability to hold space, guide others, and even enjoy the process.
It was through this experience that the dream of having my own holistic surf school emerged. I realized that I couldn’t take the existing school to the vision I had in mind. Quitting was challenging, but necessary so I could open doors to something new. Now, life is calling me to step up on a new level, to bring this dream into reality—not just as a school, but as a movement.
This vision is wild and expansive. Life wants me to lead in a new way, and I’ve chosen to make it my spiritual practice: facing my biggest fears, transforming them into freedom, and using that freedom to show up fully in the world.
Facing the Voice That Said “Stay Quiet”
Last year, I began a deeper healing journey. I attended a one-day retreat with a mini dose of psilocybin. During a sharing circle, I recall vividly being unable to get the words out of my throat. My voice froze. Inside, a judge was shaming me for even wanting to speak. Meanwhile, I admired those who spoke clearly, confidently, and without apology.
That moment planted a seed: Why couldn’t I speak about myself? Why did self-expression feel so dangerous?
Slowly, I began to lean in instead of away. In my relationships, I started practicing honesty and asking for what I wanted. In women’s circles, I noticed how hard it was to speak up, and I practiced anyway. I joined singing circles and felt the trembling in my voice—but I sang.
I began visiting my childhood memories with compassion, recognizing how they had unconsciously shaped my life. I reminded myself I am whole. I showed my body safety with grounding exercises each time it wanted to run away.
From Self-Protection to Self-Expression
Little by little, I am moving from self-protection into self-expression. I am learning that:
- It is safe to be seen.
- My desires are sacred.
- My voice matters.
- My light belongs.
Now, I hold the pen and write my own story. I’m not afraid to step into opportunities that make me uncomfortable because I know they are they to make me grow. That’s why I finally launched my Integration & Guidance Sessions work last week and also started my podcast.
I have the courage now to seek out spaces that invite my truth. I no longer run, I embrace the discomfort as it offers me to give up my old identity and shape my new one. The one I chose!
The journey of healing the fear of being seen is not just about sharing my voice—it’s about coming alive again.